All the month of February, I shared on social media about the stroke that I survived on Feb 15, 2017. I had plans to share more than I did. I tried to develop a timeline, and I couldn’t. I tried to map it all out in bubbles on the white board, but for some reason nothing would flow. I’d try to pick any of the tasks floating around in my head or the badrillion task lists on my super-messy desk, and it felt like all I was doing was failing. I was in an OCD loop and needed to reorganize my room but no energy or strength or time. Friends and kids that needed me, but I was of no help as my body has been wailing because of lupus and those accident injuries and what was up with that virus going around?! I don’t even want to discuss the amounts of balls I dropped.
I also took a new position at work before finishing a major painting project, so the “to-do” was floating in my brain, and I couldn’t find time to do it…also worried that if I add any additional hours that I’d maybe lose my disability benefits (it’s right around the corner…they call it “falling off the cliff” in the SSDI world) but my bills just keep climbing.
It’s been one of those months that Galatians 6:9 was written for: Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Actually, the bible tells us not to give up quite a bit. I’m sure a quick google search will bring you to lists of verses reminding us to keep fighting the good fight. I’ve personally been studying Corinthians in one study and Philippians in another, and both of those books are FILLED with that message.
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Giving up is truly the last thing I want to do–ever. It feels like defeat to me. Which often trips me up in my own faith walk as I “wanna do it myself” like a toddler and fail multiple times before finally letting God handle it. I keep thinking I’m doing Him a favor or something because “I got this Lord; You’ve built a strong warrior!”… just to quickly find out how weak I truly am!
I have been hearing Him loud and clear to REST IN HIM. I trust that He can handle all these things that I think I need to do. I have a pressing timeline just because I want this organization built in MY timing. I surrender that train of thought! One thing that I want this organization to be known for is the flexibility to put priorities in order. So, I need to follow that example!
In Philippians 9:16 Paul is saying he couldn’t stop preaching even if he wanted to because it was his calling. He was driven by his desire to do what God wanted. I know that this organization will be driven by the same desire, and my dedication is to commit to spending time with Him so that I am full of His fruit to serve the community. Jessi can’t do it, but Jessi and Jesus sure can! I have a deep desire to continue to serve in youth ministry–they need JESUS, not anything I can offer at all. There’s no program, or village of support, or hours of creativity that can do what 5 minutes with Jesus can do. So, I want to bring them HIM.
I can’t commit to regular events, or even regular posts right now while I balance the job that pays my bills too. I also can’t continue to feel like I’m failing! I work hard and press on, but when all of the tasks are overwhelming me, all I need to do is praise. If you’ve reached this point in this post, I pray you are encouraged to continue to step out in faith in what you’re called to do, but don’t fall into the “demands”. Prioritize Him first, then march on to the beat of your own drum! Let Him do what He does to get His work done!
God has something in store JUST FOR YOU, and the only way to find out what it is involves spending time with Him.
Do you already know what special gifts has God given you? Are you motivated to honor Him with those gifts?